Cultural Musings

In the interest of your time and attention spans, I will limit my cultural musings to bullet points:

·         White people are an oddity worthy of shameless gawking.  My mere smile has even been known to bring young children to terror tears. 

·         Handshakes are a guessing game (they call it “greeting you”).  Sometimes it will be a limp hand, more brushed against then shaking yours.  Other times we go for the full African monty  – shake, twist to grab thumbs and shake again.  You never know what they are coming in for.  Oh, and sometimes women kneel to greet.  I can’t figure out when or why but it makes me feel like an ungrateful jerk every time I miss the cue.

·         DO NOT FORGET THE PRAYER.  Every meal, including snack-less tea, must be blessed.  Even if they set it down and walk away, be prepared for the sneak attack – they will be back and will look upon you with disgust if you are caught with a mouthful of unblessed bread.  Trust me, it will take days to win back their favor after displaying such hedonistic behavior.

·         Never pull your camera out in front of a group of children.  You will be suddenly surrounded by smiling children, hamming it up and yelling at you in foreign tongues.  Walk away and they will follow you, for much longer than you think their attention span will last.  It’s a reverse paparazzi situation.

·         Bald is in.  All the men, children and women have close cropped heads here.  I have seen a few women with intricate braids, but they are few and far between.  Even less so than the women wearing pants or riding the ubiquitous “boda boda” motorcycles normally – they sit side saddle.

·         If you drop something, have a coughing fit, trip or otherwise inflict embarrassment and/or pain on yourself, “sorry” is the response of choice for Ugandans.  I spilled milk on Susan’s floor and she said sorry to me.  I have yet to figure out what you say back. 

·         No need for an alarm clock here – your friendly rooster will throw a fit at dawn.  (I can’t wait to eat that bastard….)  And everyone is up at 6am, and they do not care if you are not.  There is no concept of being quiet for your neighbors.  The kids play loudly in front of our door in the morning and as I type this someone down the road is blaring Beyonce at 11pm.  Not that I’m complaining….*~*all my single ladies!*~*

·         Dishes are scrubbed with dirt.  Literally.  I assume – or at least I want to believe -- they also use soap at some point, but the heavy scrubbing is definitely done by grabbing a handful of dirt.  Perhaps that explains the gritty texture of the posho….

·         ANIMALS EVERYWHERE.  And not the cool exotic African ones you hope for.  Instead its chickens, pigs, goats and cows.  For a country that is supposedly limited in food, you think people would keep a tighter eye on their livestock.  But nope, these animals promenade down the street with ropes dangling from their necks.  They will even saunter right into your pit toilet if you aren’t careful.